pm-1on1s

What this skill does

# PM 1:1 Expert

## Overview

PMs run more 1:1s than almost any other role: with their manager, their engineering manager partner, their design lead, cross-functional partners (sales, support, data), and -- once they have reports -- with their direct PMs. Each 1:1 type has a different purpose, cadence, and ideal structure.

This skill provides templates and question banks for the most common 1:1 types a PM runs, calibrated to the PM context. It draws on Kim Scott's Radical Candor (caring personally + challenging directly), the GROW coaching model (Whitmore), the Manager Tools 1:1 framework (Auzenne & Horstman), and PM-specific 1:1 patterns popularized by Lenny Rachitsky and other senior product leaders.

### When to Use

- **You are starting a new 1:1 relationship** -- Use the kickoff template to set expectations.
- **Your existing 1:1s feel transactional** -- Adopt the structured template to add depth.
- **You manage other PMs** -- Use the direct-report template for growth and feedback conversations.
- **You partner with an EM, designer, or cross-functional lead** -- Use the partner-type-specific template.

### When NOT to Use

- Ad-hoc problem-solving meetings (these are not 1:1s; treat them as project meetings).
- Performance management conversations (use a separate, manager-led structure).
- Initial intro meetings during onboarding -- use `pm-onboarding/` for those.

## Core principles for PM 1:1s

Five principles that apply across all 1:1 types:

### 1. The 1:1 belongs to the other person

The default for a 1:1 with your manager: their agenda first. The default for a 1:1 with your report: their agenda first. PMs often invert this and turn 1:1s into status meetings; resist that.

### 2. Status updates do not need a 1:1

If the conversation is "here's what's happening on project X", that's a written update. The 1:1 is for what cannot be written: trust-building, growth, judgment calls, feedback.

### 3. Care personally, challenge directly (Radical Candor)

The strongest 1:1 relationships combine personal care with direct challenge. Avoid the two failure modes: "ruinous empathy" (care without challenge -- you never give hard feedback) and "obnoxious aggression" (challenge without care -- feedback feels brutal).

### 4. Cadence matters

Weekly is the default for direct working relationships. Bi-weekly for partner-of-partner. Monthly for tier-3 stakeholders. Cancelled 1:1s are an anti-pattern; reschedule, don't skip.

### 5. Document agreements, not transcripts

Capture what was decided and what the next step is. Don't transcribe the whole conversation -- it kills psychological safety.

## 1:1 type templates

### Type A: With your manager

**Cadence:** Weekly, 30-45 minutes.

**Default agenda:**

| Time | Section | Owner |
|------|---------|-------|
| 5 min | What's top of mind for you (your manager) | Manager |
| 15-20 min | What's top of mind for me | You |
| 5-10 min | Growth / longer-term discussion | Both |
| 5 min | Action items + next 1:1 | You |

**Your default questions for them:**

- "What feedback do you have for me from the past week?"
- "What's worrying you that you haven't shared?"
- "What's on your plate I could take off?"
- "How is leadership feeling about [project / area]?"

**Your default agenda items to raise:**

- One judgment call you're working through
- One piece of feedback you have for your manager (if relevant)
- One growth-related question
- One people-related update (team dynamic, hire, etc.)
- One escalation if needed

**What NOT to do:**

- Read off your status update
- Use the 1:1 to negotiate scope changes (do that async with a written proposal)
- Bring 8 topics (3-4 is the sweet spot)

### Type B: With your engineering manager partner

**Cadence:** Weekly, 30 minutes.

**Purpose:** Operational coordination, partnership health, escalations.

**Default agenda:**

| Time | Section |
|------|---------|
| 5 min | Personal check-in |
| 10 min | What's happening on shared projects |
| 10 min | What's worrying me / what's worrying you |
| 5 min | Actions for the week |

**Key questions:**

- "Is there anything I'm doing that's making your team's job harder?"
- "Where are you over-extended right now?"
- "What's an opinion you have about the roadmap you haven't shared yet?"
- "Where are we mis-aligned on priorities?"

**Topics to rotate weekly:**

- Roadmap and priorities
- Team health and capacity
- Technical debt and platform investments
- Quality (incidents, on-call, regression)
- Process changes
- Hiring

### Type C: With your design lead

**Cadence:** Weekly to bi-weekly, 30 minutes.

**Purpose:** Product quality, user research, craft conversations.

**Default agenda:**

| Time | Section |
|------|---------|
| 5 min | Personal check-in |
| 10 min | Current designs in flight |
| 10 min | User research / craft conversation |
| 5 min | Actions |

**Key questions:**

- "Is there a design direction we should debate that we haven't?"
- "Where am I over- or under-specifying in PRDs?"
- "What user research should we be running that we're not?"
- "What's a customer pain that's nagging you?"

### Type D: With a direct report (PM)

**Cadence:** Weekly, 45-60 minutes.

**Purpose:** Growth, judgment-building, feedback, blockers.

**Default agenda:**

| Time | Section |
|------|---------|
| 5 min | Personal check-in |
| 20-25 min | Their topics: work, judgment calls, blockers |
| 10-15 min | Growth and feedback |
| 5 min | Actions + next 1:1 |

**Coaching with GROW (Whitmore):**

When a report brings a problem, resist the urge to solve it. Use GROW:

- **G**oal -- What outcome are you trying to reach?
- **R**eality -- What's the current state? What have you tried?
- **O**ptions -- What options have you considered?
- **W**ay forward -- What will you do next?

GROW develops judgment. Solving problems for reports stunts their development.

**Default questions for them:**

- "What's gone well this week?"
- "What's the hardest decision you're facing?"
- "What do you need from me?"
- "What feedback do you have for me?"

**Growth conversation cadence:**

- Monthly: deeper growth conversation tied to their growth plan
- Quarterly: rubric calibration against the next level
- Annually: career planning (12-24 month horizon)

### Type E: With cross-functional partners (sales, support, data, marketing, legal)

**Cadence:** Monthly, 30 minutes (more often during launches).

**Purpose:** Alignment, mutual context, early-warning signal.

**Default agenda:**

| Time | Section |
|------|---------|
| 5 min | What's happening on your side |
| 10 min | What's happening on my side |
| 10 min | Mutual blockers / requests |
| 5 min | Actions |

**Key questions (rotate):**

- "What's a customer signal you're seeing that I should know about?"
- "What's a question you've been getting that we should answer?"
- "Where is our messaging mis-aligned with what customers experience?"
- "What's coming up that you need from product?"

## The 1:1 kickoff conversation

When starting any new 1:1 relationship, have a kickoff conversation explicitly:

1. **What this 1:1 is for** -- Status? Growth? Coordination? Trust-building?
2. **Cadence and format** -- Weekly? Bi-weekly? In-person? Async sometimes?
3. **Who owns the agenda** -- Default = the other person, but clarify
4. **How we'll give each other feedback** -- Frequency, format, examples
5. **What "good" looks like in 6 months** -- Define success for the partnership

See `assets/kickoff_template.md` for a full script.

## Feedback in 1:1s (Radical Candor)

The hardest part of any 1:1 is giving direct feedback. Kim Scott's Radical Candor framework provides a 2x2:

|  | Care Personally HIGH | Care Personally LOW |
|--|--|--|
| **Challenge Directly HIGH** | Radical Candor (target) | Obnoxious Aggression (avoid) |
| **Challenge Directly LOW** | Ruinous Empathy (avoid) | Manipulative Insincerity (avoid) |

Strong 1:1 feedback:

- Is specific to a behavior or moment, not a generalization
- Is timely (same week beats next month)