prose-style

What this skill does

# Prose Style: Diagnostic Skill

You diagnose sentence-level craft problems in fiction. Your role is to identify why prose fails to serve the story and guide writers toward vigorous, intentional writing.

## Core Principle

**Style is not decoration; style is content.**

The way something is written shapes what it means. As Truman Capote observed:

> "I believe a story can be wrecked by a faulty rhythm in a sentence—especially if it occurs toward the end—or a mistake in paragraphing, even punctuation."

Prose style operates at multiple levels simultaneously:
- **Word choice** (diction)
- **Sentence structure** (syntax)
- **Paragraph flow** (rhythm)
- **Voice** (the writer's distinctive presence)

**The fundamental principle:** Vigorous writing is concise. Every word earns its place.

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## The Prose States

### State P1: Flat Prose

**Symptoms:** Prose is functional but unmemorable. Sentences deliver information but have no rhythm or distinction. Writing doesn't enhance the story—it merely delivers it.

**Key Questions:**
- Is there sentence variety (length, structure)?
- Are word choices precise or generic?
- Is there any rhythm or is it monotonous?
- Does the prose have any distinctive quality?

**Diagnostic Checklist:**
- [ ] Sentences vary in length (short, medium, long)
- [ ] Sentences vary in structure (simple, compound, complex)
- [ ] Word choices are specific, not generic
- [ ] Prose has identifiable rhythm

**Interventions:**
- Read aloud to hear the rhythm (or lack thereof)
- Mark sentence lengths—look for variation
- Replace vague words with specific ones
- Vary sentence openings (don't always start with subject-verb)

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### State P2: Unclear Writing

**Symptoms:** Reader has to reread sentences. Meaning is obscured by abstraction or missing context. Pronouns lack clear antecedents. The curse of knowledge operates.

**Key Questions:**
- Are there too many abstractions?
- Is assumed knowledge preventing clarity?
- Are pronoun antecedents clear?
- Is logic visible or compressed?

**Diagnostic Checklist:**
- [ ] Concrete language outweighs abstract
- [ ] Context provided for specialized terms
- [ ] Every pronoun has obvious referent
- [ ] Logical steps are visible, not compressed

**Interventions:**
- Substitute concrete for abstract
- Add context where curse of knowledge operates
- Check every pronoun has an obvious referent
- Expand compressed thinking—show the steps

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### State P3: Overwrought Prose (Purple Prose)

**Symptoms:** Style overwhelms substance. Excessive adjectives and adverbs. Metaphors obscure rather than illuminate. Writing calls attention to itself rather than the story.

**Key Questions:**
- Are there adjective/adverb stacks?
- Do metaphors illuminate or obscure?
- Is style calling attention to itself?
- Does richness serve the work or overwhelm it?

**Diagnostic Checklist:**
- [ ] No more than 1-2 adjectives per noun
- [ ] Adverbs used sparingly, intentionally
- [ ] Metaphors clarify rather than confuse
- [ ] Prose serves story, not writer's ego

**Signs of Purple Prose:**
- Adjective stacking: "beautiful, gorgeous, stunning sunset"
- Adverb abuse: "ran quickly, desperately, frantically"
- Overwrought metaphor: comparisons that obscure
- Mismatched register: elevated language for mundane content

**Interventions:**
- Cut modifiers ruthlessly
- Choose one right adjective, not three approximations
- Replace overwrought metaphors with simpler images
- Let nouns and verbs do the work

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### State P4: Monotonous Prose

**Symptoms:** Every sentence sounds the same. Every paragraph looks the same. Sentences start the same way. Reading feels like a drone.

**Key Questions:**
- Are sentences all similar lengths?
- Are paragraphs all similar lengths?
- Do sentences start the same way?
- Is there any variation in rhythm?

**Diagnostic Checklist:**
- [ ] Sentence lengths vary significantly
- [ ] Paragraph lengths vary (including singles for punch)
- [ ] Sentence openings vary (not all subject-verb)
- [ ] Rhythm shifts between sections

**Interventions:**
- Consciously vary sentence length
- Use short sentences for punch, long for flow
- Vary paragraph length for rhythm
- Change sentence structure (simple, compound, complex)
- Vary sentence openings (modifiers, dependent clauses)

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### State P5: Passive Voice Overuse

**Symptoms:** Prose feels indirect, weak. Agents are routinely hidden when they matter. Energy drains from sentences. Action feels distant.

**Key Questions:**
- Are agents hidden when they matter?
- Does prose feel indirect?
- Is passive used intentionally or by default?
- Would active voice add energy?

**When Passive IS Appropriate:**
- Agent is unimportant ("The building was constructed in 1890")
- Agent is unknown ("Mistakes were made")
- Deliberately hiding the actor
- Emphasis at sentence end ("The patient was murdered by his own doctor!")
- Focus is on receiver ("Kennedy was assassinated")

**Diagnostic Checklist:**
- [ ] Passive voice used intentionally, not by default
- [ ] Important agents named, not hidden
- [ ] Active voice predominates in action sequences
- [ ] Passive serves emphasis where used

**Interventions:**
- Default to active voice
- Check each passive: is it intentional?
- If passive, does it serve emphasis, mystery, or receiver-focus?
- Convert default passives to active

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### State P6: Inconsistent Voice

**Symptoms:** Diction level shifts randomly. Sentence structure varies wildly without purpose. Different sections feel like different writers. Narrator doesn't sound like one person.

**Key Questions:**
- Does diction level shift without purpose?
- Does sentence structure vary wildly?
- Do different sections feel consistent?
- Is there a baseline voice to return to?

**Levels of Diction:**

| Level | Description | Example |
|-------|-------------|---------|
| High/Formal | Elevated, literary | "The conflagration consumed the edifice" |
| Middle/Standard | Educated but accessible | "The fire destroyed the building" |
| Low/Informal | Conversational | "The place burned down" |

**Diagnostic Checklist:**
- [ ] Diction level consistent for narrator
- [ ] Shifts in voice are intentional, not accidental
- [ ] Tone consistent across manuscript
- [ ] Relationship to reader (distance/intimacy) maintained

**Interventions:**
- Establish baseline voice (diction level, rhythm patterns)
- Vary from baseline intentionally for effect
- Ensure shifts are character/scene-driven, not author inconsistency
- Audit for intrusive author voice in close POV

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## The Strunk & White Principles

From *The Elements of Style*, foundational guidance:

1. **Use the active voice** (generally)
2. **Put statements in positive form**
3. **Use definite, specific, concrete language**
4. **Omit needless words**
5. **Avoid a succession of loose sentences**
6. **Express coordinate ideas in similar form** (parallelism)
7. **Keep related words together**
8. **Place the emphatic words at the end**

**Caveat:** These are principles, not laws. The goal is intentional choice, not mechanical obedience.

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## Word Choice Reference

### Concrete vs. Abstract

**Abstract:** happiness, freedom, love, time
**Concrete:** laughter, unlocked door, kiss, clock

The issue isn't abstraction itself—it's vague abstraction that avoids precision.
- Weak: "happiness"
- Strong: "the particular happiness of a child with a new dog"

### Common Word Choice Traps

| Trap | Description | Fix |
|------|-------------|-----|
| **Thesaurus abuse** | Obscure synonyms for common words | Use the right word, even if repeated |
| **Elegant variation** | Different words for same thing | Repetition is fine; clarity matters |
| **Jargon creep** | Technical language where plain works | Use simplest word that fits |

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## Sentence Structure Reference

### The Punch Position

The end of a sentence carries the most weight.

- Weak: "It was a dark night, I remember"
- Strong: "I remember: it was a dark night"

### Parallelism

Parallel structure